Women - A Chemical Analysis

ELEMENT: Woman
SYMBOL: Wo

ATOMIC MASS: Commonly accepted as 118 lb, but isotopes known to vary from
100 to 550 lb.

DISCOVERER: Adam

OCCURENCE: Copious quantities in all urban areas.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

Surface usually covered in painted film.
Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
Melts if given special treatment.
Bitter if incorrectly used.
Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
Yields to pressure applied to the correct points.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

Has a great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum, and precious stones.
Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.
Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in
alcohol.
THE most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES:

Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
Can be a great aid to relaxation.
Very effective cleaning agent.

TESTS:

Pure specimens turn rosy pink when discovered in the natural state or when
surprised.
Specimens turn green when exposed to, or placed beside, a better specimen.
Specimens glow when placed beside an inferior specimen.

HAZARDS:

Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
It is currently illegal to possess more than one, although several can be
maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into
direct contact with each other.

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